Plus, it gets you free cable . . . in your head!

One expects a certain amount of puffery in ads, of course, but there’s a line between puffery and physically impossible bullshit, if I may use the technical term. Lately I became aware of a company called Phiten, and its claims about their product Aqua-Titaniumtm:

In nature, titanium is not a soluble material. However, by utilizing the high-intensity Phild Process, Phiten scientists are able to dissolve titanium in water. This creates Aqua-Titanium, which then can be absorbed into material just like a dye. The Aqua-Titanium becomes part of the fabric and can not be washed out or fade away. Aqua-Titanium is most prominently used in our necklaces and apparel, where the entire fabric is permeated with Aqua-Titanium and emits energy that effectively controls your bio-electric current.

I will grant them that they probably actually have trademarked the term “Aqua-Titanium” and that the first sentence is true, but after that their claims veer off into a world of unicorns that defecate only the sweetest of magic jelly beans. Just what is this energy Aqua-Titanium allegedly emits? Can it be measured? How does it control my “bio-electric current”? Can they measure my bio-electric current to determine if it’s out of control in some fashion and thereby demonstrate how Aqua-Titanium then gets it back in tune?

There are no answers to these questions on their website. What they do have are testimonials from a number of athletes, primarily professional, attesting to its miraculous powers. There are no corresponding medical studies posted, where double-blind testing could try to actually quantify these claims and determine the mechanism by which the claimed results are achieved.

One thing’s for sure, if what they claim is true, then people who have received titanium hip replacements must be freakin’ superheroes.

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